I will forget..... somehow....

Someday I will be able to forget eveything mean and bad that has ever happened to me. Someday I will be able to forget the man that I was madly in love with and hoping to spend a very long time if not the rest of m life with, and the fact that when I spoke to him on the Telephone last night sitting there on the edge of my seat hoping that everything was okay with him after about a fortnight of not speaking because he refused my calls and Im's, that he was not hurt that his family was allright, and then the deep sense of loss and sharp pain when he finnally told me outright that he wanted nothing more to do with me and that he never wanted to speak to me again.
I ask my self why, what have I done? did I not love him enough? did he find out some of my well hidden secrets? (which personally I have no problem with....*rolls eyes at own stupidity*) Well I think that if I try and forget perhaps I can.... I am just sitting here and writing a bunch of nothing for the sake of.... well, for no sake really.... I am just so confused, and I would like to thank Dill for always listening to my prattling nonsense and assuring me that I am not the royal pain in the ass that I think I am eventhough I don't believe him I thank him, he and his Forum are a big part of the reason that I am still alive today. Thanks a bunch Dill. You Rock, and Isie too of course, you're both such a sweet couple.
Jazzeh hun, I think that we should post in eachothers blogs, that way they will be mor diverse.....*shifty eyes* Toots

~Danneh~

Jazzeh

My one true love. Isn't it interesting that me being gay am madly in love with Jazzeh a girl, but I think that this love is a love that is even stronger than a couple who is in love physically, it is deeper than that, I love Jazzeh with all my heart and my love is pure, because I love her as if she were like my little sister, but closer than that.... I cannot explain it... and Jazzeh Hun, just a word to the wise, join the twenty-first century, get a digital camera...*joking* I lub you Jaz you rock my world, you're right, we don't need thos stinky boys, they just get in the way. Loves Toots

~Danneh~

Ahhhhhh............

The sublime sound of saddness fills my ears as I listen to my own sobs sitting beside myself wondering if I will last the night. But then I remember that the one I mourn is not the only one to whom I had given my heart away, as wierd as it sounds and impossible too, I gave my heart to several ppl at once, I gave it to Goddess to love and to hold and always to mold into her image making me bold, I gave it to my lover to love and to cherish to tear to shreds when he was finished and throw it away, then I gave it to my best friend (Jazzeh hun I love you) to see and to love, and forever she does this never hurting me bad, kissing my wounds and drying my tears, I love you Goddess and Jazzeh, you two rock my world....

Toots

~Danneh~

Cunfushion

I am sad mad pissed happy depressed and just wierd right now.... I feel as if I am having one the worst days of my life....

I went to the Orthodontist and had to get this retainer that not only cost a LOT of money, but it a pain in the mouth if you know what I mean.... plus I am not entirely sure wether or not I will still be going to live in Japan very soon like I had anticipated... I will not go into  much more detail here seeing as I don't really want to talk about otherwise I may start yelling at the top of my lungs and wake the neighborhood and that would be bad.... trust meh..... *cries*

Toots

~Danneh~

Okay...

I just thought I would post something in this blog that absolutely NO ONE but me reads, which I suppose could work to my advantage, but then I shouldn't say that because if I do then NO ONE will be sure not to let me know that they are reading so that they can sneak peeks at my personal life *rolls eyes* I wish I was soooo onteresting!

Any way, I think that is all for now. toots

~Danneh~

Poem

Sure as hell
Don't know what to say
Lost and confused
But I'm okay
I'll just pretend
Not to look that way
And see the things
That blind me with tears
Tearing to shreds
The cherished last
Pieces of my sad little world
Sticking to my fingers
With the last drops of my blood
Reminding me vividly
Of my own vile death
And flogging me endlessly
With my own
Painful memories.

Oh Jazzeh......

If only you read my blog..... *pouts* Well since I captured you today you had better take some time to sit and read all of my nonsense! I will write more later, I am at work right now and I am really hating my day so far! Toots
 
~Danneh~

I think that if I try.........

I just may be able to fake being happy and not let anyone see the nothingness that fills this lonely life of mine. But then I am tired of pretending all the time and just want to be me, the stupid wretch that I am. Perhaps one day I will be able to move away completely from my family's sphere of influence, which I might add is quite considerable. I am seriously thinking about going to live in London, and working there doing something, anything but stay here. I am tired of writing so I think that I will hang up now... I mean.... oh dear, what do I mean? Ah weelll since t may take me a week or so to answer that I had better let you go. Toots.
 
~Danneh~

Ah well......................

I am reeeeeeeeally tired. I had to work early today and it was yucky! But I was happy also cause before I went to work I figured out the problem my computer was having and fixed it and made it alllllll better! I had my date with that really awsome boy from the Armani store and he was totally cool and asked me out again next week! I am soooo excited! Jazzeh is not going to tell my BF about this cause then I would seriously have to do something like.... oh ummmm..... tickle her for the rest of her little horny life! Ah well, it was great. Tomorrow I have to go to a family gathering and my fecking step-father is going to be there! I hate it! But I love mum dearly and I don't want her to feel bad so I shall suffer the bastard for her sake. I think he hates me cause he wants to be like me! He's just jelous that he's not GAY!! THATS RIIGHT YOU BIG FECKING SON OF SOMEONE ELSE'S MOTHER!! gAH I hate him! ah well, I shall just keep my mind on my perfect bf and that totally hot Armani boy! Toots!
 
~Danneh~

Why #2

Why is it that everyone and their aunty can find the time to add to their posts but not me? I am tired of not having time to do the things that I want to do! SICK! This family is driving me MAD! Really I think I am losing it! Not kidding. I pray to Goddess everynight, and I ask for help to live my life the way that it is supposed to be lived, but tell me please, how it that!!?? I REALLY would like to know.....*Major confusion* I am just depressed, thats all, nothing more. I shall say good bye for now, it is late and I have to wake early. Toots.


~Danneh~

I had the most wonderful day yesterday!

Don't aske me why, I just did. It was great! I was at work with NOTHING to do for a change, so I sat there and posted on my favorite forums, those being in the order of most importance: Rohan, created by Dill and where I am a Moddy :D *grins wickedly* if you are looking at my thingeh here, then I suggest that you visit there if you are into the Lord Of The Rings, its awesome! and plus Lotruk.com another waaaaaay cool forum about the Lotr, I was trying to get to Jez's forum site Khazad-dum.net, but I couldn't and I was really sad... but all well. Thats all I think.....

~Danneh~

Why?

Why is it that it seems that everyone in the world gets everything that I don't, even though I know that it is not always true? I mean I know that there are ppl that suffer from having absolutely nothing at all... but still I feel this way. I must be really selfish. Well, hang on... I know I am that... I was just hoping that could change.... ah well...

oooooh Life is over......

I have no idea really exactly how I feel.... I am in between sad mad and that feeling of fading happiness.... I had a wonderful day yesterday went shopping for hours and met a reeeeealy hot guy who works at Armani and have a date with him soon but my step-father was angry this morning and he said something really mean and put a hole in my little bubble of happiness that probably wasn't going to last long anyway.... and it took sooooo long just to get as big as it did. ah well at least I am back here... it makes the helium cannister keep putting helium in my little ballon that has a hole....I love you Jazzeh!

Okay... so life is not perfect... or at least that is wot they say....

I am sooooooo Happy! I have the bestest friends in the whole wide world!! Jazzeh is in fact #1 on that list! I had such a good time today! First my aunt let me borrow her car... and only because I have friends here from Korea and I needed a bigger one, but anyway we took the car and went to Ala Moana Mall in Honolulu about 20 min. away from where I live, and we just shopped and shopped and shopped! It was great. We went to all kinds of stores and bought loads of things. Plus we went to the Armani store and there was this TOTALLY hot little boy and I just happened to need his help *wink wink* and asked him about some things and then begged him not to give me his number... he did. and I am going to go out with him tomorrow after work! *jumps up and down really crazy* any way no one had better tell the Boy I have waiting in Japan for meh...:P annnnnnnyway... that is all for today. Toots!

OOOOOO yeah

May I say that Jazzeh is like the Coolest person in the whole of the universe and she is mine MINE I say!!! No one can have her! Not one person... though I may make allowences for someone she may want to molest once in a while.... and everyone...please, lets just save us all time and assume that I know everything *Rolls eyes* and everyone like Dill and Isie you guys Rock and have been really good friends too... thanks to everyone, Like Isa and Theo and Tiggeh, you guys rock too!
Thankies....

~Danneh~