I had one of those days today where I just wished it would end then the next I knew it was over, and I was like "whoa, a wish com true." But if I ever happened to wish that a day would last longer becasue it was good, it wouldn't happen.
Ah well, I have decided that I whine waaaaay too much, because, well I don't really know that yet. I have been fristrated becasue things keep going wrong or things that I expect to happen don't happen and I am left standing there looking stupid and dumb. Then I think that it is my fault, and well, some of it is, admitedly, but I KNOW that it is not ALL my fault.
I thought that I was going to lose that friend, I am glad I didn't, but I am still being treated second class next to the newer members, or that is how I feel, and I will be honest and say that how I feel is not always right or how things are, but I feel as if, I, being with this the longest and having put my all into it, perhaps not contributing all that a few others have (we all have different capabilities) but I have, it is the only place pretty much that I have spent my time since it came into being, and I love it. I love it even more that that damn hacker ass cracked it again, cause it shows out resolve, but when I am treated second class to those who have been there less time than I and haven't begged the maker not to delete when he got depressed or angry because almost no members but us were there posting, or spent hours encouraging him to go on and rebuild after we got it all restored, it makes me feel hurt and confused, even though the person swears up and down that is not what is happening. Tell me please why I am not the only one seeing it and experiencing it then? Tell me why. Is it some type of mass hysteria or sommat? I mean really lets think about this please.
Am I being pushed away in such a way that they want me to leave so that they don't have to say or have me saying that they kicked me out? Or am I just being a paranoid freak who doesn't know even the beginning of what he is talking about. =Sigh= I am confused, help me.
I don't want to think this way about my friends I really don't, but why do I get this feeling even after I have "made up" and told what was on my mind? Well, I will say that I am not getting this from the two other 'senior' staff. Oh and that, why if I have been told that I am considered a 'senior' staff am I not mentioned as one when others are named, or even treated like one?
Goddess I know that this is all shite but it is how I feel, and I can't say that I am going to take a break from it all, it would be said that I am shirking my responsibilities and I shouldn't have a position in that case, and then I would probably have to leave, which I really do not want to do, even though I have considered it.... =sigh= damn it all.
I think that I shall just give it time, afet a while if it is still going on then I sahll complain more.
PEAS out
~Danny~
Ah well, I have decided that I whine waaaaay too much, because, well I don't really know that yet. I have been fristrated becasue things keep going wrong or things that I expect to happen don't happen and I am left standing there looking stupid and dumb. Then I think that it is my fault, and well, some of it is, admitedly, but I KNOW that it is not ALL my fault.
I thought that I was going to lose that friend, I am glad I didn't, but I am still being treated second class next to the newer members, or that is how I feel, and I will be honest and say that how I feel is not always right or how things are, but I feel as if, I, being with this the longest and having put my all into it, perhaps not contributing all that a few others have (we all have different capabilities) but I have, it is the only place pretty much that I have spent my time since it came into being, and I love it. I love it even more that that damn hacker ass cracked it again, cause it shows out resolve, but when I am treated second class to those who have been there less time than I and haven't begged the maker not to delete when he got depressed or angry because almost no members but us were there posting, or spent hours encouraging him to go on and rebuild after we got it all restored, it makes me feel hurt and confused, even though the person swears up and down that is not what is happening. Tell me please why I am not the only one seeing it and experiencing it then? Tell me why. Is it some type of mass hysteria or sommat? I mean really lets think about this please.
Am I being pushed away in such a way that they want me to leave so that they don't have to say or have me saying that they kicked me out? Or am I just being a paranoid freak who doesn't know even the beginning of what he is talking about. =Sigh= I am confused, help me.
I don't want to think this way about my friends I really don't, but why do I get this feeling even after I have "made up" and told what was on my mind? Well, I will say that I am not getting this from the two other 'senior' staff. Oh and that, why if I have been told that I am considered a 'senior' staff am I not mentioned as one when others are named, or even treated like one?
Goddess I know that this is all shite but it is how I feel, and I can't say that I am going to take a break from it all, it would be said that I am shirking my responsibilities and I shouldn't have a position in that case, and then I would probably have to leave, which I really do not want to do, even though I have considered it.... =sigh= damn it all.
I think that I shall just give it time, afet a while if it is still going on then I sahll complain more.
PEAS out
~Danny~
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